A few months ago I started feeling antsy about getting Noah potty trained. He was a couple of months away from turning three and I felt it HAD to be done before he was three! Oh poor, sweet, naive 6 months ago Jessica. If only I could go back and shake her and tell her to Keep Calm and Don't Potty Train!
I was so excited about the idea of Noah being done with diapers forever. It seemed so simple and I was sure it would make my life so much easier. What could possibly be the downside of getting this big milestone out of the way as soon as possible?
I'll tell ya what's wrong with it. Everything! Why in the world everyone is playing along with this sick joke that potty trained toddlers are somehow easier than diapered ones is beyond me. Maybe it's some kind of new mom hazing everyone is supposed to go through, but I am here to warn you not to fall for it.
I know what you're thinking. Yeah right. Diapers are disgusting and expensive. The sooner they are out of my life, the better. Well my friends, I'll tell you why you should cling to those beautiful poo catchers for as long as you possibly can.
1. Booty Wiping
The thought of having one less hiney to wipe was at the top of my list of reasons I was pumped about getting Noah out of diapers. Little did I know I would be wiping that cute little rumpus even more now that he's potty trained thanks to freakishly short toddler arms and "mini poops".
Mini poops is what happens when a little person is learning to poop on the potty but they get so excited at the prospect of candy when they poop that they manage to make it happen 157 tiny times a day. Every one of which calls for mommy to come make sure that little candy-loving booty is clean.
2. Underwear Everywhere
Noah manages to leave the bathroom naked from the waist down every. single. time. I have to remind him to put his underwear and pants back on after every bathroom visit.
If I am not around to remind him, I walk in to find tiny little batman underwear wadded up in my bathroom floor and a half-naked Noah running around my house, most likely with poop waiting to be wiped off of him.
This situation is always the same whether we are home alone, entertaining visitors, or out at other people's houses. Modesty is not a skill that develops simultaneously with potty training.
3. Public Bathroom Parties
There is a new super fun grocery shopping activity that you get to play when your kid is potty trained. It's called "wait until mommy is almost done shopping with a cart full of groceries and start crying as frantically as possible that you HAVE TO GO POTTY RIGHT NOW"! It never fails.
No matter how many times I try to make sure he doesn't need to go before we leave the house and even when we first get to the store he always has to go when I am in line to check out with a grumpy baby brother crying and trying his darndest to climb out of the cart.
We check out as quickly as possible, wheel ourselves to the nearest restroom and that is where the real party begins. Trying to help a toddler climb onto a nasty public restroom toilet and wipe him while holding a flailing angry ten month old should be an Olympic event. But it's not. You don't get a medal. You just maybe get toddler poop on your hand.
4. Curiosity Embarrassed the Mommy
Since I have to help Noah wipe after he goes number two, he knows he needs to tell me whether or not he went pee or poop. He very proud announces his accomplishments to me after leaving the bathroom: "No poop, just pee!"
Unfortunately, he feels that everyone else should be equally proud to tell him about their business. Anytime anyone goes to the restroom, Noah must know if they went "pee or poop". Friends, family, strangers in the grocery store bathroom mentioned above are subjected to questions about their bathroom activity.
And sure, when a little old lady comes out of a bathroom stall and Noah says, "Did you poop or just pee?" she might laugh. She might even say that she just peed. But when he adds, "With your penis?" there's nothing but an awkward silence as we enter the stall.
5. New Tactics to Avoid Sleep
By far my very least favorite potty training consequence has been the change in our perfect little sleeper's schedule. Noah has always been a great sleeper. I realized after Bowen, a.k.a. the sleepless wonder, was born what a gift this was. Ever since he was 4 months old,Noah would go to bed around 8:00 pm and sleep until 8:30 or 9:00 am and then take a 3 hour nap during the day... AMAZING!!!
This beautiful gift of sleep came to a sad end when Noah was potty trained. Now he wakes up to pee usually once during the night and gets up for the day around 6:00 am. Naps have also been cut down to about 1 hour a day. Getting up in the night and in the morning wouldn't be that big of a deal except that he can't just quietly go to the bathroom and then get back in bed. It's a whole big loud event every time.
He busts out of his room (right next to his brother's room) and comes to announce to us that he has to go potty. When he's finishes he comes back to announce that he has indeed pee'd or pooped. Then he needs to be told to put his clothes back on.
He seems to be under the impression that when he wakes up, no matter what time it is, that it is time to be up for the day. We have to spend at least 10 minutes explaining to him that 2:30 in the morning is not time for breakfast after a lot of tears and sleepy conversation he finally goes back to bed, closing his door behind him just loud enough to wake up the sleepless wonder... good times!
I realize that children have to learn to use the toilet eventually. I know it was something we were going to have to conquer sooner or later. But had I known what I know now you better believe it would not have been as eager.
Don't be surprised if you see a four year old Bowen still rocking some Pamper's Cruisers. Judge me all you want. I will not make the same mistake again. I only hope it's not too late for some of you out there who may be reading this. Don't fall into the same trap I did.
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