Don't get me wrong, these are precious precious times (and all that junk older ladies are constantly telling me) -- but if Daniel Tiger sings at me to use my words one more time, I'm going to ugga that furry little jerk right in his mugga.
My youngest son was born 6 months ago. I have successfully kept 2 small humans alive for 6 whole months. Outside of the fact that I have kept them alive, I am not really sure what else has happened.
It has been a blur of sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, baby barf, and...did I mention sleepless nights? It has also been a lot of sweet moments, parenting teamwork, and a bunch of laughter, but I'm not going to talk about the sweet parts today. I'm going to talk about the mess.
3-4 a.m. B is up and ready to play
4 a.m. B goes back to sleep
6 a.m. B wakes up to eat
7 a.m. N wakes up
8 a.m. Breakfast for N
9-11 a.m. Play with N (super heroes, blocks, dinosaurs, Legos) and referee meltdowns due to B "eating" N's toys.
12 p.m. Finally get B to sleep.
12:05 p.m. Mid ninja-sneaking out of the room, N busts in announcing that he has pooped in the potty in his loudest sing-song voice -- waking up B.
12:06 p.m. Leave B to fuss in bed to check on the poop situation, only to discover no poop in the potty but a trail of poop everywhere N has been.
12:06-12:46 p.m. Run around the house cleaning poop while N follows close behind asking for lunch, juice, a show, a costume, a piece of candy, a sticker, bubbles, minion socks, a different outfit, a vitamin...
12:50 p.m. Finally finish cleaning poop and get N settled with lunch
1 p.m. Put B back to sleep
That was all before 1 in the afternoon. This wasn't even a particularly bad day. Just a normal day with 2 kids. I had no idea before B was born that the addition of one tiny baby could completely turn my life upside down. I mean, I already had a kid. How much harder could one more be?
When N was born, I went through the obvious adjustment to life with a kid. It took about 3 months to get into a normal rhythm, but for the most part it was a pretty easy adjustment. I didn't really know it at the time, but he was the easiest, most laid-back baby that has ever been.
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| Who is this bright-eyed well rested person who actually gets to"sleep when the baby sleeps"? |
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...bless my poor, sweet, delusional soul.
If your blood started to boil a little bit at the thought of my past arrogance, don't you worry. 6 months ago, God sent me a big fat dose of humility -- a 9 lb 6 oz bundle of joy with the most social, spirited, clingy, feisty personality you have ever seen in such a small person.
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| He sure is a cute little trouble maker! |
He loves people. If people are around and talking to him his little heart is content.
He is so curious about the world and what everyone is doing at all times. He does not want to miss a single thing ever.
He does not like to sleep and will fight with everything he has to make sure he is awake and experiencing the world as long as possible.
He is assertive. He knows what he wants and he will not stop until he gets it.
I fully believe he is going to be a very driven and passionate person. He is going to do amazing things with his life. However, for now he is busy making my hair grey -- one mess at a time.
Needless to say, I have looked a little (a lot) like a hot mess in the last 6 months. It's not unusual to go at least 3 days without showering. I have a little bit of sleepy desperation in my eyes at all times, and I have done a fair share of complaining to anyone who asks about how B is sleeping at night. All of this has led to a good deal of unwanted advice and opinions on how I should do this or that to fix my parenting woes.
I think a lot of times when we see people struggling, we want to jump in and try to help. And a lot of times, our "help" comes in the form of well-meaning advice. I do it all the time. I hear someone talking about their struggles with a grumpy baby and I try to tell them all the things that I did that helped with my grumpy baby.
The other day, I was at the grocery store with both boys. I realized mid-shopping that I REALLY had to pee. We trekked to the back of the store to find the bathroom.
As I was in the middle of trying to get the boys and all of their paraphernalia into the bathroom, one of the store's employees came over to me and asked if I was going in the bathroom.
A little taken aback by the odd question, I just nodded my frazzled head. She then says "How are you going to go with that baby? You know it's unsanitary to put him on the floor in there."
Uh! Thanks lady! I was planning to just lay my infant on the bathroom floor while I peed but since you informed me that it is in fact unsanitary to do so, I guess I won't. How about instead of imparting your wisdom upon me, you go get me a cookie. K! Thanks!
There is a time and a place for tips and advice -- when it is directly asked for. If it wasn't asked for, it can do a lot more harm than good. There have been so many times that I have felt pressured to do things that deep down went against my instincts, because it was what I thought people expected me to be doing.
We live in a very connected time with social media at everyone's fingertips. There is so much information out there and you can find support and criticism for every single decision that you make. It is overwhelming, especially in the trenches of parenting when your head is already spinning from exhaustion.
There are only a handful of people that really know me and my children well enough to speak to our specific situation. They are my tribe. Those are the people that I go to when I do want someone else's ideas to tackle a difficult situation. Other than that (and much more often), I really just crave a listening ear and all kinds of love and grace.
My goal for this year is to be slow to throw my advice on people if they have not asked for it and quick to listen and give support in the form of grace and understanding instead.
Well, actually, I will offer one piece of advice first:
If you are reading this as a new mommy who just entered these trenches, I would say that just because someone tells you something doesn't mean you have to do it. Try not to get overwhelmed by the endless supply of opinions. Don't put pressure on yourself to do things a certain way because that's how someone else does it. Find your tribe and lean on them. Trust your instincts; they are good. Give yourself room to make mistakes and learn from them. Did I mention grace? And most importantly, drink All. The. Coffee. Cheers!
