A Letter to Noah

  

Noah B,

Happy first birthday sweet boy! There is so much that I want to tell you about my love for you and how much you are valued. This first year of your life has been incredible! You are so loved by so many wonderful people but let me take a moment to tell you about my love for you.

The day you were born was one of the best days of my life! It was so exciting to wake up that morning knowing we were going to meet you that day. The hospital waiting room was completely taken over by our family and friends that came to wait for you. We were totally overwhelmed by the huge number of loved ones that came to show us love and support. We knew right then that you were a special guy to be so loved by so many! 16 hours of labor and 1 c-section later and there you were.

That first night in the hospital was surreal. Everyone told me that I should send you to the nursery so I could get some rest, but I didn't listen. I had only just met you and I could not let you go. Shortly after all of the visitors left, your dad went to sleep and I just laid there staring at you. You were perfect. It was a crazy night filled with tears, (probably more mine than yours) learning how to nurse, and no sleep at all. That quiet, dimly lit, hospital room was where I began falling in love with you.

I love the way you look. You are such a wonderful mixture of all of the best traits of our family. You have the most beautiful little face. Your beautiful blue eyes have the power to melt my heart. I love your sweet pouty lips and even that gigantic head of yours :) 

I love the way you laugh. Your giggles brighten my day and your cries break my heart!

I love your laid back personality. I love how you just go with the flow.

I love your curiosity and the way you are always quietly trying to figure things out.

I think its hilarious the way you get nervous when there are a lot of people around but after you warm up to everyone you want to be the center of attention. 

I love it when you bring me your toys and books to play with you.

I love singing to you.

I love watching your face light up when your dad comes home from work. 

I love seeing that big smile on your face when I come into your room every morning to get you out of bed.

I love watching you get so excited when you see a dog.

I love that you love music and stop what you are doing to dance every time you hear any song. 

I love watching you sit in your bed talking to yourself after you wake up from a nap. 

I love your sweet gentle heart heart. I love the way you see the world.

I love everything about you. Even when you are challenging you are still my second favorite person in the whole world. 

God blessed me beyond my wildest dreams when he made me your mommy. You make the world a better place just by being here. God has given you so many wonderful gifts and traits. I am so proud of who you are already and I can't wait to see who you become! You are here for a reason. You have a special purpose. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you.

My prayer for you is that you become a man of God. I pray that you develop a personal and intimate relationship with Jesus. I pray that you will be kind, loving, strong, and gentle like your dad. I hope that you will be a leader. That you will be humble. That you will admit when you are wrong and learn from your mistakes. I pray that you will stand for truth, seek justice, and act as a peacemaker wherever you go. I pray for you to know your purpose and stay close to God's plan for your life.

You will never know or understand the love that I have for you! There is nothing you could ever possibly do that could make me love you any less. Thank you for bringing us so much joy, laughter, tears, and happiness.

Love,
Your Mama

A Year of Motherhood

Well, It's official! I am now the mother of a great big 1 year old. The tiny, squirmy, bundle that we brought home from the hospital has turned into a toddling, talking, little person with a great big personality and the sweetest smile I have ever seen.

How is this possible? I still don't even feel like a real grown-up yet and now I have a little person that calls me Mama. My heart nearly explodes every time that word comes out of his mouth.

Being that little boy's mama is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. It's humbling, and messy, and beautiful, and exciting, and so many more things. I know my role as a mother will look different as he gets older but for now I have compiled a list of what it means to be a mother of a one year old.

It means...

1. Getting great big (mouth wide open) slobbery kisses
2. Finding Cheerios in your hair, purse, car... and my favorite crushed in 1 million pieces right after you step on them.
3. Reading the same book 500 times a day 
4. Wiping snot with your bare hands
5. Listening to the most annoying children's CD in the car on every fussy ride
6. Applauding every time he performs and amazing trick (i.e. announcing how old he is)
7. Hiding remotes and phones to avoid the ridiculous tantrum that ensues if he is denied them
8. Watching the same episode of Baby Einstein for the 909807783278978th time
9. Family dance parties (we all have some pretty sweet moves)
10. Having to say things like "Noah, please do not eat my hair."
11. Cleaning up mashed vegetables off of my face after he spits them at me
12. Enjoying every second that he sits still in my lap 

I could go on and on. This year of motherhood was made up of so many little moments. Precious, silly, disgusting, fun, exhausting moments. 

A lot of people told me in the first few months of Noah's life to "enjoy every minute of it". At the time "enjoying every minute" of projectile poop, all-night crying fests, and breast-feeding horrors was laughable to me. Honestly I would probably feel the same way if I were doing it all over again right now but looking back it went by a lot faster than I thought it was going to.

The lesson that I feel like God is trying to teach me right now is that our lives are made up of these little moments. The good and the bad. I am learning to appreciate all of it. 

Whether I enjoyed it or not I am thankful for every minute that God has allowed me to spend with that little boy and I don't want to take any of them for granted.

Will I ever tell a new mom to "enjoy every minute of it"? Definitely not but I will say that it only takes a year to learn that you have be intentional about appreciating those minutes because before you know it they are over.