Motherhood or Waste Management?

I did not realize before becoming a parent that it is one of the most beautiful, rewarding, and disgusting jobs you could ever have. In the short 9 months that Noah has been alive I have seen some things. I will not disturb you with all of the daily nastiness that is parenthood but I will give you a few of the more impressive highlights.

A Crappy Trip to Target

A few weeks ago I went on a routine trip to target with my freshly bathed baby in tow. When we walked in the doors I smelled something less than pleasant and realized that it was coming from my child. We quickly headed back to the bathroom to take care of the smelly situation.

Like any responsible and prepared mom, I had my diaper bag with me.  Of course I am always prepared for just such an occasion so I keep my bag stocked with all of the necessities: diapers, plenty of wipes, and that handy dandy extra outfit... except for today.

I opened up this monstrosity of a diaper, and let's just say it was not contained to just the diaper. I go to pull out the 12.4 million wipes that will be needed to clean up the catastrophe and there is ONE lone wipe in the box. One wipe would not even put a dent in this job.

So, there I was, trying to keep one hand on Noah so that he would not fall off of the changing table and reaching as far as I possibly could to the paper towels trying to get enough of them wet to get my son at least somewhat clean. Meanwhile he is screaming at the top of his lungs and more than one Target customer and employee have come in and stared at me as if they were minutes away from calling Children's Protective Services.

At the end of it all we proudly walked out of target. I was wearing random spots of poop on my shirt and Noah was wearing only a diaper and his jacket. Nothing was purchased.

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Vomit

Christmas day was spent as usual this year. We traveled all over Memphis visiting our family members and sharing food presents, and germs. My poor little family has been passing around a cold for about a week and since there is no canceling Christmas, we carried on with the festivities. Unfortunately, it was all a little too much for Noah.

When we finally arrived home at the end of the day we got Noah ready for bed. All of the lights were turned off except for the glow of the Christmas lights and we were peacefully sitting together as a family reflecting on a great Christmas day.

This beautiful family moment came to a sudden halt when our son defied the laws of gravity by projectile vomiting all over everyone in the room. As first time parents, neither Brandon nor I had ever seen anything quite like this before and we were pretty impressed that such a great volume of fluid could come out of such a tiny person.

After spending a substantial amount of time cleaning up everything that was in the line of fire we got Noah safely off to sleep. I suppose he just wanted to make sure that his first Christmas was a memorable one. And Brandon and I were able to put another notch on the parental experiences belt.

Anyway, I say all of this, not to gross anyone out, but because this is my life now. I see poop and other bodily fluids on a daily basis and I'm ok with it. Being a mom means being a lot of other things, too: a caretaker, a nurse, a disciplinarian, a cuddler.

And, unfortunately, sometimes it means being a toilet.