5 Reasons You should Never Potty Train Your Child

Potty Training is one of the first big lessons of toddlerhood you have to teach your kid. There is a lot of information out there about how to do it and how to do it as quickly as possible.  I have read many articles/blog posts about how you can potty train your kid in 5 minutes if you follow these 3 magical steps. Some people apparently even potty train their infants, like 3 month olds doing their business right on the toilet. I am not really sure what sort of sorcery this is, but "they" say it can be done.

A few months ago I started feeling antsy about getting Noah potty trained. He was a couple of months away from turning three and I felt it HAD to be done before he was three! Oh poor, sweet, naive 6 months ago Jessica. If only I could go back and shake her and tell her to Keep Calm and Don't Potty Train!

I was so excited about the idea of Noah being done with diapers forever. It seemed so simple and I was sure it would make my life so much easier.  What could possibly be the downside of getting this big milestone out of the way as soon as possible?

I'll tell ya what's wrong with it. Everything! Why in the world everyone is playing along with this sick joke that potty trained toddlers are somehow easier than diapered ones is beyond me. Maybe it's some kind of new mom hazing everyone is supposed to go through, but I am here to warn you not to fall for it.

I know what you're thinking. Yeah right. Diapers are disgusting and expensive. The sooner they are out of my life, the better. Well my friends, I'll tell you why you should cling to those beautiful poo catchers for as long as you possibly can. 

1. Booty Wiping

The thought of having one less hiney to wipe was at the top of my list of reasons I was pumped about getting Noah out of diapers. Little did I know I would be wiping that cute little rumpus even more now that he's potty trained thanks to freakishly short toddler arms and "mini poops". 

Mini poops is what happens when a little person is learning to poop on the potty but they get so excited at the prospect of candy when they poop that they manage to make it happen 157 tiny times a day. Every one of which calls for mommy to come make sure that little candy-loving booty is clean.

2. Underwear Everywhere

Noah manages to leave the bathroom naked from the waist down every. single. time. I have to remind him to put his underwear and pants back on after every bathroom visit. 

If I am not around to remind him, I walk in to find tiny little batman underwear wadded up in my bathroom floor and a half-naked Noah running around my house, most likely with poop waiting to be wiped off of him. 

This situation is always the same whether we are home alone, entertaining visitors, or out at other people's houses. Modesty is not a skill that develops simultaneously with potty training. 

3. Public Bathroom Parties

There is a new super fun grocery shopping activity that you get to play when your kid is potty trained. It's called "wait until mommy is almost done shopping with a cart full of groceries and start crying as frantically as possible that you HAVE TO GO POTTY RIGHT NOW"! It never fails. 

No matter how many times I try to make sure he doesn't need to go before we leave the house and even when we first get to the store he always has to go when I am in line to check out with a grumpy baby brother crying and trying his darndest to climb out of the cart. 

We check out as quickly as possible, wheel ourselves to the nearest restroom and that is where the real party begins. Trying to help a toddler climb onto a nasty public restroom toilet and wipe him while holding a flailing angry ten month old should be an Olympic event. But it's not. You don't get a medal. You just maybe get toddler poop on your hand.

4. Curiosity Embarrassed the Mommy

Since I have to help Noah wipe after he goes number two, he knows he needs to tell me whether or not he went pee or poop. He very proud announces his accomplishments to me after leaving the bathroom: "No poop, just pee!" 

Unfortunately, he feels that everyone else should be equally proud to tell him about their business. Anytime anyone goes to the restroom, Noah must know if they went "pee or poop". Friends, family, strangers in the grocery store bathroom mentioned above are subjected to questions about their bathroom activity. 

And sure, when a little old lady comes out of a bathroom stall and Noah says, "Did you poop or just pee?" she might laugh. She might even say that she just peed. But when he adds, "With your penis?" there's nothing but an awkward silence as we enter the stall.

5. New Tactics to Avoid Sleep

By far my very least favorite potty training consequence has been the change in our perfect little sleeper's schedule. Noah has always been a great sleeper. I realized after Bowen, a.k.a. the sleepless wonder, was born what a gift this was. Ever since he was 4 months old,Noah would go to bed around 8:00 pm and sleep until 8:30 or 9:00 am and then take a 3 hour nap during the day... AMAZING!!! 

This beautiful gift of sleep came to a sad end when Noah was potty trained. Now he wakes up to pee usually once during the night and gets up for the day around 6:00 am. Naps have also been cut down to about 1 hour a day. Getting up in the night and in the morning wouldn't be that big of a deal except that he can't just quietly go to the bathroom and then get back in bed. It's a whole big loud event every time. 

He busts out of his room (right next to his brother's room) and comes to announce to us that he has to go potty. When he's finishes he comes back to announce that he has indeed pee'd or pooped. Then he needs to be told to put his clothes back on. 

He seems to be under the impression that when he wakes up, no matter what time it is, that it is time to be up for the day. We have to spend at least 10 minutes explaining to him that 2:30 in the morning is not time for breakfast after a lot of tears and sleepy conversation he finally goes back to bed, closing his door behind him just loud enough to wake up the sleepless wonder... good times! 

I realize that children have to learn to use the toilet eventually. I know it was something we were going to have to conquer sooner or later. But had I known what I know now you better believe it would not have been as eager. 

Don't be surprised if you see a four year old Bowen still rocking some Pamper's Cruisers. Judge me all you want. I will not make the same mistake again. I only hope it's not too late for some of you out there who may be reading this. Don't fall into the same trap I did. 

I haven't slept in two days. But yes, please comment on my bathroom habits.

As far as I can tell, parenting small children is like trying to stay afloat in the middle of the ocean. Only instead of water, you're swimming in diapers, piles of laundry, goldfish crumbs, and Daniel Tiger episodes. And instead of swimming, you're drowning while holding a toddler. And instead of helping you, someone hands you a screaming infant.

Don't get me wrong, these are precious precious times (and all that junk older ladies are constantly telling me) -- but if Daniel Tiger sings at me to use my words one more time, I'm going to ugga that furry little jerk right in his mugga.

My youngest son was born 6 months ago. I have successfully kept 2 small humans alive for 6 whole months. Outside of the fact that I have kept them alive, I am not really sure what else has happened.

It has been a blur of sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, baby barf, and...did I mention sleepless nights? It has also been a lot of sweet moments, parenting teamwork, and a bunch of laughter, but I'm not going to talk about the sweet parts today. I'm going to talk about the mess.

The first part of my day today looked like this:

3-4 a.m. B is up and ready to play

4 a.m. B goes back to sleep

6 a.m. B wakes up to eat

7 a.m. N wakes up

8 a.m. Breakfast for N

9-11 a.m. Play with N (super heroes, blocks, dinosaurs, Legos) and referee meltdowns due to B "eating" N's toys.

11-12 Desperately try to get B to nap -- unsuccessfully

12 p.m. Finally get B to sleep.

12:05 p.m. Mid ninja-sneaking out of the room, N busts in announcing that he has pooped in the potty in his loudest sing-song voice -- waking up B.

12:06 p.m. Leave B to fuss in bed to check on the poop situation, only to discover no poop in the potty but a trail of poop everywhere N has been.

12:06-12:46 p.m. Run around the house cleaning poop while N follows close behind asking for lunch, juice, a show, a costume, a piece of candy, a sticker, bubbles, minion socks, a different outfit, a vitamin...

Meanwhile, B has worked himself into an all out hysterical screaming mess as if someone is actually murdering him.

12:50 p.m. Finally finish cleaning poop and get N settled with lunch

1 p.m. Put B back to sleep

That was all before 1 in the afternoon. This wasn't even a particularly bad day. Just a normal day with 2 kids. I had no idea before B was born that the addition of one tiny baby could completely turn my life upside down. I mean, I already had a kid. How much harder could one more be?

When N was born, I went through the obvious adjustment to life with a kid. It took about 3 months to get into a normal rhythm, but for the most part it was a pretty easy adjustment. I didn't really know it at the time, but he was the easiest, most laid-back baby that has ever been.

Who is this bright-eyed well rested person
who actually gets to"sleep when the baby sleeps"?

I also didn't realize at the time how much credit I gave myself for how easy N was. I thought I was rocking it. I never said it out loud but I sometimes wondered why others complained so much about how hard things were. I thought: Um... babies are not that hard if you're doing it right. 

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...bless my poor, sweet, delusional soul.

If your blood started to boil a little bit at the thought of my past arrogance, don't you worry. 6 months ago, God sent me a big fat dose of humility -- a 9 lb 6 oz bundle of joy with the most social, spirited, clingy, feisty personality you have ever seen in such a small person.

He sure is a cute little trouble maker!

A little bit about baby B:

He loves people. If people are around and talking to him his little heart is content.

He is so curious about the world and what everyone is doing at all times. He does not want to miss a single thing ever.

He does not like to sleep and will fight with everything he has to make sure he is awake and experiencing the world as long as possible.

He is assertive. He knows what he wants and he will not stop until he gets it.

I fully believe he is going to be a very driven and passionate person. He is going to do amazing things with his life. However, for now he is busy making my hair grey -- one mess at a time.  

Needless to say, I have looked a little (a lot) like a hot mess in the last 6 months. It's not unusual to go at least 3 days without showering. I have a little bit of sleepy desperation in my eyes at all times, and I have done a fair share of complaining to anyone who asks about how B is sleeping at night. All of this has led to a good deal of unwanted advice and opinions on how I should do this or that to fix my parenting woes.

I think a lot of times when we see people struggling, we want to jump in and try to help. And a lot of times, our "help" comes in the form of well-meaning advice. I do it all the time. I hear someone talking about their struggles with a grumpy baby and I try to tell them all the things that I did that helped with my grumpy baby.

The other day, I was at the grocery store with both boys. I realized mid-shopping that I REALLY had to pee. We trekked to the back of the store to find the bathroom.

As I was in the middle of trying to get the boys and all of their paraphernalia into the bathroom, one of the store's employees came over to me and asked if I was going in the bathroom.

A little taken aback by the odd question, I just nodded my frazzled head. She then says "How are you going to go with that baby? You know it's unsanitary to put him on the floor in there."

Uh! Thanks lady! I was planning to just lay my infant on the bathroom floor while I peed but since you informed me that it is in fact unsanitary to do so, I guess I won't. How about instead of imparting your wisdom upon me, you go get me a cookie. K! Thanks!

There is a time and a place for tips and advice -- when it is directly asked for. If it wasn't asked for, it can do a lot more harm than good. There have been so many times that I have felt pressured to do things that deep down went against my instincts, because it was what I thought people expected me to be doing.

We live in a very connected time with social media at everyone's fingertips. There is so much information out there and you can find support and criticism for every single decision that you make. It is overwhelming, especially in the trenches of parenting when your head is already spinning from exhaustion.

There are only a handful of people that really know me and my children well enough to speak to our specific situation. They are my tribe. Those are the people that I go to when I do want someone else's ideas to tackle a difficult situation. Other than that (and much more often), I really just crave a listening ear and all kinds of love and grace.

My goal for this year is to be slow to throw my advice on people if they have not asked for it and quick to listen and give support in the form of grace and understanding instead.

Well, actually, I will offer one piece of advice first:

If you are reading this as a new mommy who just entered these trenches, I would say that just because someone tells you something doesn't mean you have to do it. Try not to get overwhelmed by the endless supply of opinions. Don't put pressure on yourself to do things a certain way because that's how someone else does it. Find your tribe and lean on them. Trust your instincts; they are good. Give yourself room to make mistakes and learn from them. Did I mention grace? And most importantly, drink All. The. Coffee. Cheers!

One Time in Chicago

Last week the Christian Community Development Association had its annual national conference in Memphis. Since I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old, I was only able to make it to 2 of the night time sessions, but it was a blessing none the less.

Being there among so many who are passionate about social justice issues and urban ministry was a much needed reminder of the things that set my heart on fire. It also made me nostalgic for my time in Chicago with Mission Year.

That year was one of the most difficult and life-changing times of my life. During mission year and for a long time after, I did not have much interest in talking about what I experienced because it was a lot to unpack and took a long time to process.

Mission Year is a year-long immersion program for 18-30 year olds. It is a time to learn how to live out justice by knowing and loving neighbors and advocating for change in our countries most un-loved neighborhoods.

A young and very naive 19 year old Jessica had no idea what she was getting herself into.

I would not have admitted it at the time, but I had a "savior mentality" going into Mission Year. I was confident that I would make a big impact on the problems of the inner city during my time in Chicago. HA!!!

Not only is that a very arrogant and just all around wrong world view, but also that type of mindset set me up for a lot of growing pains right out of the gate.

The neighborhood of Englewood, the city of chicago, and the world that we live in already has a savior and it is not me. I am ashamed to think that I ever believed that I could "help" or "save" anyone in that beautiful community.

Instead, I got to witness the work that God had been doing through some really amazing people in Chicago. I learned a lot about myself and more importantly, God used that time to humble me.

I had the pleasure of living on the south side of Chicago in the Englewood Neighborhood. If you Google Englewood, you will not read anything good. But what I experienced was a community of good, strong people who care about each other and take pride in where they live. People who, despite living in a food desert and in a thick fog of poverty in every sense of the word, were some of the happiest and generous people I have ever known. Their voices were and are struggling to be heard and to receive the equal level of support and care as Chicago's wealthier neighborhoods.

I lived in a 3 bedroom apartment with 5 of the most beautiful souls I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. We were 6 women who could not have been more diverse. We had 6 very different personalities with different backgrounds, races, and opinions. It was a messy time, especially at first, as we learned to navigate our differences, but to this day I cherish those ladies more than they will ever know. They helped mold me and I will be eternally grateful for the impact they had on my life and world view.

I spent that year learning about people's stories. I saw the kind of struggles and heartache that my privileged young mind never even knew existed. I got the wind knocked out of me on a daily basis. It did not take long to realize that I was there to learn and not to save.

I left Chicago with a lot of humility but also a lot of cynicism. I felt so overwhelmed by the pain and cycles of oppression in this world and I didn't really understand what my role in all of it is. Honestly, I still don't.

6 years, a husband, and 2 kids later I find myself trying to balance the call and demands of my daily life (I had to come back to writing this post 4 times because... kids) with the passions and burdens that God engraved on my heart in Chicago.

I went into Mission Year thinking I was going to solve the worlds problems and I came out of it feeling very discouraged and powerless. I've learned over time that powerless is the best place to be. God has all of the power anyway and all throughout time his best work has been done through the powerless.

So now I'm just trying to figure out where He wants me to be. There is a never-ending supply of places to volunteer and service projects to be a part of. That work is important and serves as a constant reminder that God has not forgotten the broken places and people around us. I just have to surrender to my own powerlessness and let Him work.

Heartache and Heartbeats

This update has been a long time coming. I have thought about writing it for a few months now, and it has seemed like an overwhelming task. I have this great fear that the words that I write won't be able to do justice to what this experience was for me and my family. I do think it is a story worth telling, so I will give it my best shot. 

Brandon and I decided last spring that we were ready to have another baby. Neither of us have siblings that are close to us in age and we have always wanted that for our own children. 

I naively believed that the very first time we "tried", that would be that and we would be on our way to baby number 2. After all, we got pregnant with Noah while on birth control so obviously I assumed that Brandon and I have super baby-making abilities. 

Weeeeell... I was mistaken. It did not happen the first month and it didn't happen the six months after that either. By that time, I had turned into a "trying to conceive" monster. 

In my true control freak fashion, I was doing a lot of researching, temperature taking, charting, measuring, and stressing. I was not doing a lot of trusting God to bless us when the time was right. 

Let me take a minute to say that I know seven months of trying is nothing compared to the struggles of some couples. I do not for one second compare myself to those who suffer from infertility and have gone through hell and back to bring a child into their homes. I have a new found respect for those families and I will never again take for granted the ease we had when we were blessed with Noah. Every precious baby that is born is truly a miracle in my opinion.  

In early October to our joy and relief Brandon and I found ourselves staring at a positive pregnancy test. Hallelujah! We were ecstatic! But deep down inside me, for reasons I can't explain, something did not feel right. At the time, I just assumed it was nerves and anxiety that come with pregnancy. I know now that those feelings were preparing my heart for what was coming. 

Just a few days later, our dreams came crashing down. We lost that sweet baby before we got to see an ultrasound, or hear a heartbeat, before we could feel a movement, or pick out a name. It happened quickly and was nearly painless physically. It was early, but it was still a painful loss for our family. We had been hoping and dreaming about that baby for months and it was taken away as quickly as it came.

There were many ways that I felt very taken care of by God through that painful time. I was out of town with Noah visiting family the week before we found out and Brandon wasn't with us. We wanted to be together when we found out whether or not we were having a baby so I waited over a week longer than I could have to take the test. That is a whole lot of time in pregnancy world. That time would have made the loss so much more painful, and I am glad that I didn't know earlier. 

We were also on vacation with my family when the miscarriage started. It was a blessing in so many ways. Brandon was with me for the whole week since he was off work for vacation. We had family around to support us and to take care of Noah while we grieved. I love and appreciate the way God used these circumstances to comfort me and Brandon while we went through the loss of such a precious thing. 

Jump forward one month to the beginning of November. To our surprise, we found out that we were pregnant once again. It came as a shock because there had been no planning, charting, temp taking, etc. Imagine that! The one month that I didn't plan, it happened. Maybe God was trying to tell me something. 

I started going to a new doctor just before I found out I was pregnant. I was excited to find out that I could go in early, because I was anxious to know that everything was ok after what had just happened. I went in for an ultrasound at just under 5 weeks.  

The doctor couldn't see anything other than the gestational sac on the ultrasound. So she scheduled me for another ultrasound a week later. I wasn't too worried since it was so early, but the doctor seemed somewhat concerned.  The next week they told me again that they only saw a gestational sac. This was more concerning, because there should have been some change.

The doctor told us that the pregnancy was "non-viable" and scheduled me for a d&c the next day. She said that I could be having an ectopic pregnancy and that my life was in danger. I tried to ask about other options, but she made me feel like if I waited I would be putting myself at great risk and pressured me into consenting to the d&c. We were devastated once again.

All night long Brandon and I wrestled with what to do. We just didn't feel good about the diagnosis she made. There were several things that didn't add up. I was still so early. They didn't try any other tests to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. The ultrasound tech did not spend very much time looking for the baby. Brandon and I and a lot of people we love prayed hard over our decision. 

We decided to get a second opinion. I scheduled an emergency appointment with another doctor the next day and cancelled the d&c. If another doctor told us the same thing, we decided we would do what they said. 

At the new doctor, they took us for an ultrasound right away. The ultrasound tech had no idea why we were there, and she just went about her business. The first words out of her mouth were, "Here's your baby, and here is the HEARTBEAT"!!! I don't even know what words to use to describe my feelings. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. 

I have never been able to say that I hear the voice of God speaking to me regularly but there have been some key moments in my life that I know were guided by Him. This was definitely one of those times. I am not one to disregard the advice of a medical professional. I have always trusted that they know more than I do. If we had listened to what this doctor said, we would have unknowingly allowed her to abort our healthy child.

I know that Brandon and I were so unsettled about what to do because God has bigger plans for this baby. Whether he/she is with us for one more day or until he/she is 103 years old I praise God for the gift that this child is. I know that our prayers and the prayers of so many others on our behalf were heard. We felt such peace about our decision to get a second opinion, and I know that peace came from God. 

I have learned so much through this entire experience that began last spring. I learned once again that I am not in control (nor should I be). I learned that God's timing is better than my own. I learned to trust Him in ways that I haven't before. I learned to let Him comfort me in times of loss. Best of all, I learned to praise Him when I don't get what I want and praise Him when he intercedes for me in big ways.  

Every bit of the glory in this situation goes to God. It was not a doctor or my judgment that saved our baby. It was his/her creator. 

Internet Warfare

"Oh be careful little mouth what you say. 

For the Father up above is looking down in love 

so be careful little mouth what you say"

We all have our opinions about the hot button issues circulating through our culture. And we all feel passionate about our opinions on these issues. Ask me any day at any time and I will happily talk your head off for hours about my specific opinions. 

As a mother I am passionate about: birthing methods, vaccinations, spanking, nutrition, sleep habits, education... and as a person I am passionate about:  race relations, welfare, abortion, guns, war... etc.

Fortunately for everyone I am not going to talk about the details of my opinions on these or any topics (even though all of my opinions are absolutely correct, of course!) I kid! 

I had no idea before Noah was born the kind of war zone I was entering into. When I became a mother, some sort of savage beast was awakened in me that I didn't even know existed. Moms are crazy! We will claw your eyes out if you cross us about which brand of car seat is best for sweet little Johnny's safety.  

We feel so strongly about the choices we make regarding our children because we all desperately want what is best for them. It is hard not to get caught up in the details of the choices we make and it's hard not to judge the choices of others when we don't agree with them. 

It's not just moms though. The internet has created a frenzy of heated and often horribly rude debates about anything from presidential candidates to which Kardashian is the hottest. 

Social media has become a unique atmosphere that allows us to say and do things that we would never say or do in "real life". Here are a few little gems from one of the most recent viral debates.

Karla Ungurean-King Her pretty little head would look great on my wall. Don't worry, I'll give her meat to needy animals.

Like · Reply · 629 · July 2 at 12:25am

Jessica Kay Clark Let's hunt for her together 

Like · 47 · July 2 at 12:41am

Filomena Iria I hope to see a post of your dead body soon... With a smiley Lion standing next to you 

Like · Reply · 101 · July 2 at 6:10pm

Katrina Ralphson I think you are the ugliest person on the planet. Inside and out

Like · Reply · 73 · July 2 at 3:57pm

Sadly these are some of the nicer comments on this topic. 

What in the world? There are 629 "likes" about mounting a persons head on a wall. When did this become an acceptable way to communicate our opinions?

Most of the craziness I read online is written by people I don't know and have never met before. However, I am occasionally shocked and disappointed by people I do know and look up to because of things said or done on social media.  

I am humbled at the thought that I too may have shocked or disappointed someone who looks up to me because of my words on the web. 

There is a time and a place to speak truth and stand up for what you believe in. But that time and place is almost never on the internet. Especially if your words are laced with sarcasm, hatred, or death threats.

As someone who is trying to be the hands and feet (and mouth) of Jesus it is not acceptable to harass or insult anyone based on their political, social, religious, or any other persuasions. 

I am going to try to hold myself accountable for staying away from the online drama. I want my actions to speak louder than my words. 

I would much rather make someone feel loved and valued than to win an argument by tearing them down. 

What if my words would make the difference between someone seeing God or just seeing another angry online comment? 

What if I am the last straw for someone in their decision to give up on faith?

I claim to be a child of God. My actions, encounters, and words should be a reflection of his love for me. Having the last word is not as important as sharing that love.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.  -1 Corinthians 13:1-2

What Do You Do?

Let me start by saying that this is not going to be a rant about how stay at home moms do more work than anyone in the world. I'm not here to argue if it is harder to be a working mom or to stay home with the kids. They are both hard and it really shouldn't be a competition. Some moms choose to work. Some work because they have to and some choose to stay home. I respect all of those choices. We are all just moms trying to do what is best for our families. Mad props to all moms! Working, stay at home, part-time I love you all!

I just want to talk about where I'm at in my life right now and how I feel about it. I get asked "what do you do?" and "So, when are you going to finish school?" on a weekly basis. I would love to just put it all out there in hopes that someone else that is in my situation might be proud to answer instead of feeling like they have to make up excuses for why they stay home with their kids or haven't finished school yet.

In the spring of 2008 I graduated from Harding Academy. I was young and naive and I knew exactly what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Ha! 

The plan was:  I would to go to Lipscomb University and room with 7 of my best friends. I would graduate promptly in 4 years with a bible degree emphasizing in Mission work. After college I would travel the world for a couple of years and then settle down with someone and enjoy the married life for 4 or 5 years before becoming a mother. Awesome plan right?

Now, let's take a look at what the last 6 years of my life actually looked like...

I did go to Lipscomb and live with my 7 friends for one year. Then I went to Chicago to live in the inner-city and participate in Mission Year. I took classes online with Eastern University, but I learned way more than I could have imagined through the people that I lived and worked with than I ever could have learned in school. That year changed my path in so many ways but I will save all of that for a later post :) After Mission Year I moved back home to Memphis. I started school at the University of Memphis and a few months later met the man of my dreams. We fell in love and got married 15 months later. During that time I majored in social work, early education, and then finally nursing. I ended up with a degree in none of those things. I spend my days hanging out with this guy.

You know I can't resist an opportunity to share a picture of this guy :)

My plan changed a lot from what I thought it was going to be when I graduated high school. I value higher education but I do not believe that my self worth is affected by whether or not I have attained a college diploma or earn a paycheck in the workforce. 

When people ask me if I have finished school and I tell them not yet a glimpse of pity flashes across their face. Poor girl had an unplanned pregnancy and it threw her life off track. 

My life might not look like the plan I made up when I was 18 but there is nothing sad about it. I made the decision to take a break from school. I am blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my child. I don't take this blessing lightly. 

It makes me sad that my decision gets misconstrued into the idea that I am missing out on something that I could have had.

I get to use my God-given gifts every day. I believe that this is what I was made to do. I have dreamed of being a wife and mother for as long as I can remember and I am living out my dreams. I am very fulfilled in what I do. I have not sacrificed my potential. 

I am very happy and content with my life. I still make plans for the future but I am also really excited to see what God's plans are even if they don't look anything like mine. I pray that I will always be content with what I am doing whether that is staying at home with my kids, finishing school one day, or working outside of the home.

A Letter to Noah

  

Noah B,

Happy first birthday sweet boy! There is so much that I want to tell you about my love for you and how much you are valued. This first year of your life has been incredible! You are so loved by so many wonderful people but let me take a moment to tell you about my love for you.

The day you were born was one of the best days of my life! It was so exciting to wake up that morning knowing we were going to meet you that day. The hospital waiting room was completely taken over by our family and friends that came to wait for you. We were totally overwhelmed by the huge number of loved ones that came to show us love and support. We knew right then that you were a special guy to be so loved by so many! 16 hours of labor and 1 c-section later and there you were.

That first night in the hospital was surreal. Everyone told me that I should send you to the nursery so I could get some rest, but I didn't listen. I had only just met you and I could not let you go. Shortly after all of the visitors left, your dad went to sleep and I just laid there staring at you. You were perfect. It was a crazy night filled with tears, (probably more mine than yours) learning how to nurse, and no sleep at all. That quiet, dimly lit, hospital room was where I began falling in love with you.

I love the way you look. You are such a wonderful mixture of all of the best traits of our family. You have the most beautiful little face. Your beautiful blue eyes have the power to melt my heart. I love your sweet pouty lips and even that gigantic head of yours :) 

I love the way you laugh. Your giggles brighten my day and your cries break my heart!

I love your laid back personality. I love how you just go with the flow.

I love your curiosity and the way you are always quietly trying to figure things out.

I think its hilarious the way you get nervous when there are a lot of people around but after you warm up to everyone you want to be the center of attention. 

I love it when you bring me your toys and books to play with you.

I love singing to you.

I love watching your face light up when your dad comes home from work. 

I love seeing that big smile on your face when I come into your room every morning to get you out of bed.

I love watching you get so excited when you see a dog.

I love that you love music and stop what you are doing to dance every time you hear any song. 

I love watching you sit in your bed talking to yourself after you wake up from a nap. 

I love your sweet gentle heart heart. I love the way you see the world.

I love everything about you. Even when you are challenging you are still my second favorite person in the whole world. 

God blessed me beyond my wildest dreams when he made me your mommy. You make the world a better place just by being here. God has given you so many wonderful gifts and traits. I am so proud of who you are already and I can't wait to see who you become! You are here for a reason. You have a special purpose. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you.

My prayer for you is that you become a man of God. I pray that you develop a personal and intimate relationship with Jesus. I pray that you will be kind, loving, strong, and gentle like your dad. I hope that you will be a leader. That you will be humble. That you will admit when you are wrong and learn from your mistakes. I pray that you will stand for truth, seek justice, and act as a peacemaker wherever you go. I pray for you to know your purpose and stay close to God's plan for your life.

You will never know or understand the love that I have for you! There is nothing you could ever possibly do that could make me love you any less. Thank you for bringing us so much joy, laughter, tears, and happiness.

Love,
Your Mama